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Growing Pains

~ Musings of a U of T Undergrad

Growing Pains

Tag Archives: writing

“Not That Kind of Girl” and My Reality

18 Thursday Dec 2014

Posted by Linh in Reviews & Responses

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

book review, books, experience, feminism, girls, growing up, learning, Lena Dunham, literature, Not That Kind of Girl, Privilege, university, writing

I started reading Lena Dunham’s book with high expectations. After all, it was supposed to be the “voice of a generation,” “required reading for anyone who thinks they understand the experience of being a young woman in our culture.” To say I was disappointed would be a massive understatement. It wasn’t the problematic description of Lena’s relationship with her sister that stuck out for me; it was the fact that this memoir was so obviously written by a rich, white girl.

Every page of this book was steeped in indulgence and unacknowledged privilege, impossible to ignore. Dunham’s chapter, “Therapy and Me” was particularly unbearable, containing a quote from her mother that compared finding a suitable therapist to “a play date. If I like playing with her, I can go back. If not, we’ll find someone else to play with.” As someone who is more used to scoffing laughter and “why do you need a therapist? There’s nothing wrong with you!” from my mother whenever the subject has been broached, I can adamantly say that this is not my reality. My reality currently consists of putting myself on as many public counselling wait-lists as possible and trying not to panic as winter (and the 14th month I’ve been on this wait-list) approaches. Meanwhile, Dunham casually mentions her habitual appointments as a child (“allergist, chiropractor, tutor”), and how “both [her] parents have therapists,” as do her friends (who apparently have daily appointments). This leads me to question whether or not she actually knows or cares how much one therapy session costs.

Although the memoir is supposed to be an honest depiction of reality, every experience described felt otherworldly to me. I’m not sure how many young girls have grown up attending private schools in New York City, but certainly not our entire generation. Her descriptions of university life felt as foreign to me as Hollywood films — carefree and stupid. This is not a woman who has ever stressed about spending frugally, supporting herself with a part-time job, balancing academics with trying not to graduate in crippling debt. As a 19 year old young woman in this culture, my primary concern is very far from who I will allow into my bed next, and I strongly believe that millions of people my age feel the same as I do. Dunham has clearly spent her entire life in a very sheltered environment, one that is almost impossible to break into without wealth. Oberlin College, her alma mater, was incidentally my first choice for post-secondary study. I applied with a 95% average, a 90% SAT score, as EIC of the school newspaper and student council secretary. I was waitlisted. How much of that decision had to do with my family income being $30 000 a year? I can only guess. My university choices became limited to the highest ranking one we could afford. Meanwhile, Dunham makes no mention of her application process, and throughout the entire memoir, shows no sign of recognition of the wealth of choice that she was afforded all her life. She writes from an extremely limited and embarrassingly presumptuous perspective that I find indigestible.

I feel that by advertising this book as representative of a generation’s struggles is doing a disservice to young women everywhere. More than half this book was about sex and relationships, and zero percent was about monetary concern, which is entirely un-proportional to reality. If this is really all the insight that this woman has gained by age 28, I cringe at the standard she has set. The focus she has put on her “problems” in this book would’ve made my 11 year-old self roll her eyes.

Privilege aside, this memoir began to feel bland after about two dozen descriptions of different sexual encounters and 11 pages listing every single item Dunham ate one week. I might have been stretching it to expect that this book be groundbreaking, but I at least hoped for some substance. The humour promised was absent from my reading, and for a book subtitled, “A young woman tells you what she’s “learned,”” I can only pray my demographic isn’t being judged off this. In my opinion, these “essays” should not have been published outside a personal blog. If Lena Dunham wants to write a memoir, then that’s her story, and her story alone. That way, if it comes across as self-absorbed, ignorant, and indifferent to the true plights of others, young women will not all be judged off it.

All that being said, I don’t dislike Lena Dunham. I’ve never seen her work on Girls so I’m in no place to judge that. There were some parts of this book that weren’t bad, such as the Work section. I don’t necessarily think that her success is undeserved, although it would be nice if she could acknowledge it being unnaturally easy. My issue is that this is not my reality. It’s further from my reality than Harry Potter or Narnia — at least I could relate to those characters. Touted as a book written by my demographic, about my demographic, for my demographic, I can’t help but think, can’t someone do better than this?

A Woman’s Voice in the Sea of Superficiality

11 Tuesday Nov 2014

Posted by Linh in Reflections & Realizations

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

body positive, career, feminism, journalism, magazines, media, university, women, writing

As I began to seriously consider a career in writing this year, I started looking up undergrad opportunities for local or online papers. I wasn’t entirely happy covering news as the feedback I got was often along the lines of “you’re too positive” or “that’s not objective enough.” While straight-up reporting may be the purpose of typical news coverage, I found it extremely hard to take an unbiased approach when writing stories about body image or sex positivity, as these were issues very close to my heart. As a writer, my personal experience and emotions are the soul of my work. I couldn’t reconcile with leaving them aside because I felt that they were the best part of what I did. I wanted, above all, for my writing to help others, not just inform.

So I turned over to magazines, specifically young adult and women’s magazines where I was hoping to find a more emotion-friendly environment with an audience whom I could share my advice and experience with. This was where the cracks started showing. About 90% of the magazines I came across covered solely two topics: men and beauty. Considering that they preached about feminism and called themselves “women’s magazines,” this portrayal felt extremely degrading of the female experience. I was unsatisfied for many reasons.

First off, I was not okay with the number of exclamation marks in all these articles. The issues that young adults, especially women, face today, are anything but amusing. I write a lot about relationships because it’s a topic I find fascinating and familiar, however, I take a very different tone. Adding exclamation marks trivializes the matter. Issues such as self-doubt, mental health, sexual harassment, are unfortunately very real and prominent parts of our experience. They should be dealt with with the respect they deserve. For me, there is no use in writing if others gain nothing substantial from it, and others can only gain from writing if what’s important to them is addressed seriously, regardless of how depressing an article that may make.

Secondly, the majority of articles were extremely image/gif heavy. There was barely text between them. This is partially due to the fact that sites aim more for “viral content” (generated by clicks) now more than substantive, insightful, meaningful content. We are moving towards an increasingly visual age. However, why are “women’s magazines” choosing this format more than any other kind of media outlet? We’ve come to associate women with tabloids and sticking to that image is really not helping the feminist movement.

The issue that bothered me most was how, for all of these magazines, I had to have knowledge in five areas equally: love, life, health, fashion, and beauty. Are they really all equal, all crucial? The first four, I could live with, but I become extremely uncomfortable when beauty is addressed by the media, for obvious reasons. These articles, however well-meaning they may be, perpetuate a cultural norm of fixating on women’s appearances (“Are Your Pores Showing??”), judging (“Beyoncé’s 10 Worst Dresses!”), and adhering to a very standardized and unrealistic idea of beauty (“Get Your Eyebrows in the Perfect Shape!”). These were the articles that destroyed me as a child. It took me ten years and an unbelievable amount of support to un-do the harm they caused, and I know every teenage girl has felt similarly. Consequently, I feel uncomfortable even hinting to someone else what they should do their body.

When we fall into this judgmental type of writing, it continues the cycle of pitting women against each other. If women want men to treat us with respect, then we need to treat ourselves and each other with respect. We heal by being supportive, and succeed not by bringing our peers and superiors down, but by helping each other up. These articles are where these ideologies start and where they grow.

I truly believe that writing can have an enormous impact on people, in so many more ways than “10 ways to have clear skin!” I am content with the writing arrangements I’ve found for this year; I have fun writing what I do. However, I’m still most comfortable here on my blog. I have a stronger and more powerful voice here than anywhere else.

Just wish there were more outlets to show that.

“BA stands for Barista”

25 Tuesday Feb 2014

Posted by Linh in Reflections & Realizations

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

arts, beauty, career, college, dead poets society, Education, human, humanities, learning, life, literature, math, money, science, university, writing

In the time of ancient Greece and Rome, the arts and humanities were held in the highest regard. A great education was founded on literature and philosophy. However, the contempt held against these same subjects has become universal over the last century. Top universities have debated cutting their arts programs altogether. Every day, I feel the need to justify my education choices to myself. I need to explain that every two weeks, I cover over 1000 pages of reading and hand in an essay, to the people who give their condolences and say “what a waste of intelligence.” I need to keep my head up against the plethora of newspaper headlines declaring that there is no better way to waste money than to pursue an arts major.

The premise of these articles is this:
UNIVERSITY -> DEGREE -> JOB/CAREER -> MONEY -> STABILITY.

That is not the reason I’m paying for a higher education right now. I am an undergraduate student, and 18 years old. I am paying and working for this:
UNIVERSITY -> EDUCATION -> EXPERIENCE & GROWTH

I’ll admit that may change in graduate school, but I think it’s unfair to ascribe a net worth to education so young in life. I love learning and that’s what I’m here for. Do I really think I’ll be writing essays on 20th century novels every day as a career? No, I do not; I’m not delusional. But the value of an arts education is not in the formulas, repetition, or practice. It’s in learning how to think, how to analyze, how to write, and how to enrich our entire living experience as a whole. I love how much more I know about the world now than I did six months ago. That’s what matters to me as a young student and I don’t see how my education pales in comparison to learning about the world through math and science.

Education in the times of ancient Greece and Rome was about self-enrichment, not money; that was why the humanities were so valued. Those are the subjects that make us human. Those are the histories and cultures of real peoples, the stories that make us feel, cry, laugh, fall in love. I fear that in the 21st century, everything has become monetized. Money makes the world go round. How much are we sacrificing in the name of efficiency? At 18 years old, I don’t want to plunge into that cycle of bills and taxes. I want to live and feel alive with the energy of emotions, beauty, controversy, and language.

“Medicine, law, business, engineering… these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love… these are what we stay alive for.” – N.H. Kleinbaum, Dead Poets Society

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My notes on original story-writing

01 Sunday Sep 2013

Posted by Linh in Tips & How-to's

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Tags

storytelling, tips, writing

  • If no likable character is apparent in the first ten minutes, the story is moot.
  • Don’t try putting your own twist on a classic (i.e. The Hatter, Oz the Great and Powerful). Spin-offs do not work with alterations, especially those that contradict canon. Save that for fanfic.
  • Emphasize dialogue and subtlety. Don’t use blunt violence unnecessarily- it seems like a cheap way out of conflict and a bland way to develop character if used excessively.
  • Coincidences don’t exist.
  • Don’t be didactic. No one wants to feel like they’re being lectured.
  • Trust the audience’s ability to interpret meaning and symbolism without shoving it in their faces.
  • Never make assumptions about a certain type of character without personal experience.
  • Never add conflict just for the sake of having drama.
  • Emotional investment is everything.

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