It’s 2014; we’re seriously still seeing these kinds of articles published? I know it’s a few days late of Valentine’s, but this needs to be discussed. Everyone has their own opinions; this is mine.
First off, I despise the notion of Valentine’s Day being exclusively for romantic love. I prefer to think of it as “love day,” since love is all around us in many forms. I especially hate how awful it seems to make single people feel, and the whole “forever alone” pity party phenomenon. Yes, it is lovely to be in a working relationship, but being single does not mean that you will always remain so, and it most certainly does not mean that your priorities aren’t straight.
Let me just break this down piece by piece.
“Despite all of the focus on professional advancement, for most of you the cornerstone of your future happiness will be the man you marry.”
Yes, I suppose that would be a huge part of happiness in later life. However, it is definitely nowhere near the most important thing. The cornerstone? Saying this suggests that our happiness as women depends on our men. It’s been decades since even Disney dared to make that claim.
“Chances are that you haven’t been investing nearly as much energy in planning for your personal happiness as you are planning for your next promotion at work. (…) You should be spending far more time planning for your husband than for your career”
Investing time to plan for acquiring a husband? Someone want to explain how that works? As far as I know, finding the right person is not something anyone plans for, or invests time working towards the way a promotion or education is gained. Just because someone is single absolutely does not mean that they aren’t trying hard enough! Love is random and spontaneous, and it will come when you aren’t looking for it. The best kinds do.
“You’re not getting any younger, but the competition for the men you’d be interested in marrying most definitely is. Think about it: If you spend the first 10 years out of college focused entirely on building your career, when you finally get around to looking for a husband you’ll be in your 30s, competing with women in their 20s. That’s not a competition in which you’re likely to fare well.”
Way to base the foundation of marriage and attraction entirely off youth and beauty. That’s definitely the kind of life partner I’d want.
“An extraordinary education is the greatest gift you can give yourself. But if you are a young woman who has had that blessing, the task of finding a life partner who shares your intellectual curiosity and potential for success is difficult. Those men who are as well-educated as you are often interested in younger, less challenging women.”
I’m gonna quote John Green on this one. “The venn diagram of boys who don’t like smart girls and guys you don’t want to date is a circle.” And for the record, “well-educated” men who don’t want equally intellectual partners are not “well-educated.” Get with the times.
“If you start to earn more than he does? Forget about it. Very few men have egos that can endure what they will see as a form of emasculation.”
I find this extremely insulting to men. My mother makes twice what my father makes. My boyfriend’s father is a stay-at-home dad by choice while his mother is a judge. My best friend’s mother is a highly successful and well-known reporter who makes triple her husband’s salary. Off the top of my head, I could list at least three very functional marriages, happy families, and doting husbands. Men are not ego-driven animals; those who are clearly are not worth your time.
“Start looking early and stop wasting time dating men who aren’t good for you: bad boys, crazy guys and married men.”
No one enters a relationship with the intention to waste time. Love and people are often unpredictable. Marriage is not just an item to simply check off the to-do list. If it was this easy, no one would be single.
“College is the best place to look for your mate.”
College is a time for self-discovery and fun. If that by chance happens to include a romantic partner, lucky you; if not, there is so much more to life than one relationship. The most important thing to take care of is your happiness and success. You are your top priority, and college is about furthering your intelligence and experience, not just to set up an independent and stable career path, but also to grow as a person individually. This is not a time to worry about settling down.
“There is nothing incongruous about educated, ambitious women wanting to be wives and mothers.”
No, there isn’t, just as there’s nothing wrong with men wanting to be both husbands/fathers and educated. Isn’t the whole point of feminism and 21st century ideals that we can be happy and successful as both?