As a suggestion in response to my previous post, I was told to try making a list of traits I do want and admire instead of the ones I can’t stand (perhaps I did come off rather negative). But the thing is, I can’t.
I don’t believe in those kinds of checklists because I don’t know exactly what I want, and more importantly, what I need. No one does because there are so many people out there and so many nuances to every person, making it impossible to try out every type. Any traits I could come up with would be stereotypical, stock, and bland (i.e. honest, loyal, kind, attractive, smart, etc.). We shouldn’t be looking for perfect people to fit into set criteria. We should be looking for people who are compatible with us individually. None of us can be certain of what kind of person that is. Every individual and every relationship is unpredictable.
I had a checklist once. I was looking for a musical-writer kind of guy. An introvert, sensitive, openly passionate person– someone cheesy who would read me poetry, and whom I could sing love duets with. I wanted the kind of romantic artist I had admired in books and movies. And I have met some guys who fit this description quite well.
Despite that, the person I ended up falling for is a realist and a thinker. He is much more extroverted than I am, has little musical talent, and even less interest in reading or writing fiction. He has a lot of interest in sports, politics, and history, which are not exactly my first topics of choice. And yet, we work. We complement each other perfectly. Of course, that is due to a a few other crucial factors, but it just goes to show that no one knows what they really want and need. Compatibility is so much more than common interests and a nice personality. And while we can try to define basic factors contributing to successful relationships in general terms, it is impossible to get any more personal.
My list of personal deal-breakers are my most basic standards. They are the traits I know cross the line for me. But beyond that, there is no limit. There are no rules to love. There is no telling what direction people can take us, so options should always be open.